


Careful Observation

by SlimeBrain (orphan_account)



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alien Biology, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dib Being Creepy (Invader Zim), Domestic Fluff, Egg Laying, Eggpreg, First Orgasm, Fluff, For Science!, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Light-Hearted, Long Shot, M/M, Nesting, No childbirth, Older Dib (Invader Zim), Possessive Dib, Praise Kink, Protective Dib, Sharing Clothes, Strangely not the weirdest thing I've written, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vaginal Fingering, Weird Biology, Weird Fluff, Wet & Messy, Xenophilia, Xenophiliac Dib (Invader Zim), Zim Has a Praise Kink (Invader Zim), Zim Has a Vagina (Invader Zim), Zim cannot and will not chill, lots of yelling, pheromones...?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:33:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28531509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/SlimeBrain
Summary: When Dib begins noticing strange behavior in Zim right before his semester ends, he wastes no time in going to check on him. It doesn't take long to realize that the irken is going through some kind of... weird alien bullshit. Again.
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 132





	Careful Observation

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure to read the tags! If pregnancy/eggpreg isn't your thing, be sure to click out now.  
> I'm aware that this is probably massively OOC but I am in need of some fluff in my life so here we are ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Everyone's slightly less of an asshole to each other for a while, as a treat.

Morning couldn't come soon enough. In fact it was hardly "morning" when Dib arose out of a very cold and messy bed after getting home late the previous night. He'd thrown all his belongings he'd brought from university into a pile on the floor, and then proceeded to barely sleep a wink. He really could've used more than the scant hour or so he'd managed, seeing as he was going to need to be alert for the certain nemesis he was to pay an overdue visit. 

It'd been good timing that the irken started showing strange behavior just a few weeks before the semester finished. Dib had been keeping tabs on him, no matter the distance, and finally there was some reward to all that hard work. At first, it'd started fairly slight; an out of place twitch of his antennae, a shift in the way he stood, sometimes a softer voice with which he'd use to address GIR.

About a week after the changes had begun, he really started to show signs that something was wrong. Firstly, he wasn't leaving the house for any errand or evil venture. Second, he was lazing about like a cat, draping himself across furniture as carelessly as his little robot minion. Lastly, he looked kind of... ill. Dib didn't know the alien could get sick, at least not in the human sense. He probably had an immune system, but he seemed to deal with any potential infections by simply getting rid of it in the quickest and most grotesque ways imaginable (he still shivered to think of Pustulio) In any case, he just seemed lethargic, paler, complaining about literally everything to GIR when he had the energy to talk. It didn't sit right with Dib. There was no telling what awful fate might befall the world if he didn't find out what was going on, and soon.

Zim's house hadn't changed at all since he last infiltrated it. The security system had the same flaws that he knew by heart how to bypass, which blind spots he could sneak through. Honestly, the most trouble he'd had today thus far was explaining to a very cranky Gaz why he was sneaking out of the house at four in the morning (he was thankful he'd thought to bring snacks as penance.) The grass was wet from icy rain, some of which was still falling on him and causing his teeth to chatter while he worked out a plan of action.

Well, he could just walk right in. That would normally be one of the stupidest ideas he could imagine, but somehow he didn't think Zim was in the mood to put up a fight. He didn't know what the irken was doing in there right now as he didn't have any of his dozens of monitors available right now, but he could hear some kind of pathetic groaning coming from behind the door. More _whining_ , he thought with a smirk. 

To test out his idea, he simply turned the knob and pushed on the door. It opened easily, no new-and-improved weapons pointing at his face. He breathed a sigh of relief, still keeping his guard up for the sake of his favorite coat.

One the of things he first noticed when he stepped foot in the place was that the lights were off. Normally, Zim wanted complete clarity of his surroundings. That meant keeping every light fixture blazing at all times, electricity bills be damned. Countless threats could be lurking in the dark, and his presence here was just proof of that. Another thing that seemed odd was how the irken's voice sounded, all weak and high-pitched. He didn't sound like he was in any position to get on his feet, let alone invade a planet. 

Hearing this nearly-shrill sound fill the house with some kind of regurgitated infomercial song made Dib's ears hurt as he grew nearer, watching the alien carefully to make sure he wouldn't try to run. He thought he was quiet, but apparently not quiet enough, as Zim's antennae pricked up at the sound of his footsteps, and he just... sighed. Well, that was anticlimactic, Dib thought with something close to disappointment.

"Come to laugh at my misery, Dib-shit?" Zim sounded almost proud saying that word, as if he hadn't been hearing that name thrown at him by classmates since preschool. At least there was some of his old flare left in his condition. "See? I know all the current insults now. 'Shit' means excrement, which implies that you are nothing but excrement." Dib would've laughed and come up with a burning retort any other time, but right now he just kept his mouth shut and waited, taking a few steps closer till he could see the alien in the flickering light coming from the TV.

GIR was nonchalantly switching the channels, too absorbed in its mindless entertainment to even notice the human had entered the house. So much for security.

Zim was curled up in a semi-comfortable looking position, arms wrapped around a pillow that was a little over two-thirds of his size. He'd never been one to _lounge_ before, except perhaps when he was greatly depressed about something, though those times hadn't been accompanied by such a physical change. Seeing him in person in this state was like a punch to the stomach- both in a good and bad way. There was a certain distance that a screen provided, and now that Dib had crossed it, he couldn't bring himself to laugh- though that was no doubt the right way to react to seeing your rival wasting away over some cushions. For someone with such a grating attitude as Zim to be smushing his face into a pillow, it was almost poetic justice. Almost.

Dib finally spoke, just letting the question that'd been floating in his head all night spill out. "Are you sick?" He didn't bother with formalities; at this point, they could practically sense each other. He didn't feel like wasting any more time.

" _No_ ," the irken responded without hesitation, twisting his body around so he could nuzzle deeper into the upholstery and turn his face away from the light. It was hard to see him from here, mostly a dark blob in a flashing room. Dib took the liberty to reach for a light switch, wondering if the power had finally short-circuited after all the abuse it'd been put through.

Zim immediately hissed as his blanket of shadows was stripped away, a terrible noise that rattled the floor. He threw his pillow directly at the human before burying his face back into the couch. Thankfully the pillow in question wasn't half Dib's body weight as it was for the alien, and only momentarily made him lose his balance. He used the time from the distraction to take a few steps closer and inspect the irken's condition with the added light. Boy, he looked out of it. His antennae were... limp. Seeing them sag like wet paper piqued his curiosity.

"Will you leave already, filthy hyuman? _Dim-witted Dib_ just doesn't know when to stay back, does he?!" He sounded more agitated, but his body language hadn't changed much; he was perhaps a bit tenser, though he looked much too weak to put up a fight. He looked... dare he say it, _vulnerable?_ "GIR, will you do your duty for _once?"_

The robot remained hypnotized by the never-ending stream of mindless commercials, tilting his head from side to side and whistling. "I looooove this show."

"Ugh..." Zim groaned, evidently resigning to whatever fate would bring now. 

"Come on now," Dib said, raising his voice to speak above the racket. "What's wrong with you? In all these years I've never seen the _mighty_ _Zim_ all mopey on the couch for- actually I have, but we both know this is different." It was just now that his eyes trailed a little further from the irken's face and he started to become aware of how strangely swollen his stomach looked. He hadn't seen him eat or drink anything in the last few weeks, and he'd been sure to watch like a hawk in case of... well, just in case. His mind started to fill with all the possibilities. What if he'd developed some incurable alien disease? Could it be internal bleeding? A type of cancer? 

"If you're such a _genius_ , **you** figure it out!!" he shot back, burrowing his face deeper. "Disgusting Dib-thing, big-headed- _ughhh_..." he finished with a long groan, wrapping his hands around his middle. He was now in a pitiful fetal position, making weird little anguishing noises now and again. Judging from that, Dib thought he must be feeling nauseous. 

He could've eaten some type of human food that'd wreaked havoc on his system, but wouldn't he have noticed? He wasn't _obsessed_ or anything, but he had motion detectors set up throughout the place, and surely he would've realized. Besides, Zim knew by now what he couldn't eat.

Growing tired of making guesses, Dib pulled out a pair of X-ray goggles that he'd spent the last few months perfecting in the privacy of his dorm room- which, thankfully, nobody else had ventured into aside from an unfortunate RA who slowly closed the door after seeing the [REDACTED] and never spoke of it again. He secured them over his eyes and adjusted to the new green-hued vision, focusing in on the alien's squeedlyspooch.⭐

Twisted and revolting as expected, one long mass of- oh, that was strange. He zoomed in and saw a few small spherical blobs right in the center of the irken. Could it be some kind of tumor? Parasites? Surely such an advanced creature would've dealt with something so primal with ease, as Zim so often bragged. He zoomed just a bit more, adjusting the eyepieces to get a better view. 

"WILL you get your filthy hyuman gaze out of my innards?!" Despite his harsh words, he didn't attempt to stop him, a miserable heap on the couch.

"Wait a second, are those..." he trailed off, suddenly at a loss for words. No, it couldn't be, could it? " _Eggs?_ "

The irken's antennae twitched, then stood straight up, and finally deflated back down. Dib took a few steps back, realizing he probably could've picked a better choice of words. " **WHAT DO YOU _THINK?!_ YES, THE MIGHTY ZIM, BEDRIDDEN WITH NASTY LITTLE SHELLS, THESE VILE, REVOLTING, FU-"**

 **"** Hold on, I thought your kind were produced by cloning," he said, trying to dial things down as best he could. "Isn't the irken race asexual?"

"We are _now,"_ he snarled, tossing his head from side to side, as if to rid his brain of thought. "We have been for many millennia, as traditional breeding brings only flaws. It's simply not efficient when you could mass-produce soldiers at a much quicker rate with chemicals and machinery."

Dib made a quick note of that, scribbling a few questions down to ask later when the alien had calmed down. "So then why the, er..." he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to mention the word 'eggs' again.

"Approximately every twenty years irkens will produce eggs that will be expelled if not fertilized within the span of a week. I have six days left before it happens."

"I see, so it's a bit like the equivalent to human menstr-"

"Oh, if only I hadn't travelled this far out into the stars, ripping myself away from the unrelenting structure... We have treatment to prevent this in the first place. The Almighty Tallest could've saved Zim all the indignity, the humiliation... I haven't heard from them for years, Dib-thing, **YYEEEAAARRS!!** Have they forgotten me out here? Have I been cast aside?? I'm the most accomplished invader of all Irk, why would they- ** _WHY??!!_** " He heaved pathetically, finally rolling himself upright so he could shake a fist at the ceiling.

"Hey now, relax," Dib cut in, surprising himself with the gentleness of his own tone. He supposed even someone as evil as Zim deserved a break, considering the rare circumstances. "How about this? We'll call a truce just till you um, _expel_ the... the things." 

He retraced his steps, planting another few cameras and bugs out of sight just for good measure. "I'll be back- don't go anywhere, okay?" Zim just responded with another groan, which faded into the TV noise.

* * *

Dib tried to be quiet as he snuck back into Zim's house, still on edge after getting caught yet again by Gaz. He'd had to come up with a bullshit excuse of why he was now tip-toeing through the house at nearly six in the morning, this time with a large bundle of blankets and a plastic bag full of snacks (he'd had to sacrifice some of the snacks; the girl just barely let him live.)

The irken was in the same position as before, perhaps a bit weaker now that he'd worn himself out from all that ranting. He didn't acknowledge the boy's presence. 

"Hey again, I brought some things," Dib announced with as much cheer in his voice as he could muster while also about to pass out from hypothermia. He'd had to use his umbrella to cover the supplies, and didn't want to ruin his look with a raincoat in front of Zim. "I didn't know what you'd like so I just brought a bit of everything." From what he knew (still not nearly enough for his liking), irkens were fueled by junk food. Carbohydrates, refined sugars, everything he was told since early childhood to avoid. 

"I don't want it," Zim replied, voice so quiet now it was hard to hear above the TV static. GIR was no longer watching a show, just a bunch of flickering lines on the screen, and enjoying it immensely. 

"Come on, at least try something? You haven't been eating, have you?" He wasn't exactly sure how long irkens could survive without any food, but this was probably pushing it. Zim was looking paler by the second, an eerie buzzing sound coming from his stomach (or whatever equivalent he had) that somewhat resembled a rumble of hunger. 

He crossed the room and started unpacking the pile onto the floor. He'd brought a towel to spread out over the center of the room, then layered three other blankets over that, tossing the last one over the shivering alien. If he knew anything about irkens by now it was that anytime they went through some kind of weird biological event there was going to be a _big_ mess (his stomach still churned when he remembered his last shedding.) It'd probably be a good idea to get some plastic sheets or something to waterproof the place... but then again he shouldn't really care what happened to _Zim's_ house, if one could even call it a house.

For all he knew these "eggs" were going to explode the second they came in contact with air, or dissolve and turn into incredibly toxic fumes. It wasn't as though he had any knowledge to go on, and he was the only human to ever witness something like this. In a way, he was just a bit... curious. 

He set a few packages of various kinds of candy on the couch next to Zim's face, hoping the sugary smells might encourage appetite. "At least a few bites? It can't be easy for your body to manage all this while you're hungry."

"What do _**YOU** _care?!" he growled back, waving a hand in dismissal. "What does it matter what happens to me if I've been rejected by the **_Almighty Tallest?!!_ **My life's purpose is to seek their approval, and-"

"Why don't you just avoid thinking about them for the time being?" Dib suggested, sitting down on the stack of blankets on the floor, which he had to admit was pretty comfortable. GIR had spotted the snacks and began feasting on two of the packets of cookies, drawing it out of its trance.

"OOoooOOoooh, friend!!" it squealed happily; Dib couldn't tell if it remembered who he was, most likely lacking the long-term memory to place the face of someone it hadn't seen for years. It grabbed the bag with the rest of the snacks and jumped up from the sofa, squeaking its way to the door in its dog disguise before running out. A hole in the pantry he'd have to explain to Gaz when she found out.

"GIR, don't leave me alone with this Dib-filth," Zim slurred, sounding almost drunk. "GIR... Giiirrr..." he finished on a whine, rolling on his side in an attempt to drown his thoughts with the TV static as well.

Dib reached into his pocket and pulled out a single bag of Fun dip- Zim's favorite, as he'd observed early on. "It's okay, I'll get more later. Will you at least eat this?" Zim finally looked over at him, the color of his eyes seemingly darkened to an eerie maroon shade.

"... ** _UGH_** , just hand it over, Dib-thing." He snatched the package from the boy's grasp and tore it open, slowly beginning to nibble. That was a start. 

"How are you feeling? Does it... does it hurt at all?" Dib pulled out his notebook and scribbled down a few comments. He wasn't sure how useful this information was in this day and age, but he wanted to know everything, all that he could possibly learn about Zim. 

"It feels... full. Irkens do not overeat, so of course it's an irritating sensation." He grumbled, shoving another bite between his teeth. "All the more reason to avoid food. Stupid Smeet aren't worth the effort to grow... How our ancestors were able to manage populating our world in such a way is an anomaly to me."

"What about when they're um, expelled? What will that feel like?" A strange look flashed across the alien's face, and instead of responding he just turned up the volume on the TV to drown out Dib's words.

* * *

Five days had passed, and depending on how accurate Zim's estimations were, they had roughly twenty-two hours to go. The irken certainly looked like he was getting close; his face had a sheen of sweat, and his middle had swollen a bit more. He made a place for himself on the blanket stack, appreciating the extra room to sprawl out his limbs in a starfish position. He was lying there now, complaining rather than doing something sensible like sleeping, and he sounded _bad_.

Dib came to check on him every day since then, each time finding clever excuses to sneak out in the middle of the night... alright, so he'd had to buy a few special edition video games to bribe Gaz. She was too busy finishing up her own finals and trying to impress a cute girl from one of her classes to really care, so it all worked out nicely.

Seeing as there wasn't much time left before either a mild inconvenience or certain destruction of at least half of planet Earth, Dib had announced that he was going to be spending a few days with some "friends" (which both his dad and Gaz knew was a complete lie, but didn't want to get mixed up in his insanity) so now he wouldn't have to worry about sneaking through the house- which he didn't technically have to do anymore, but it was a habit since childhood and he wasn't going to change his ways anytime soon.

There was a mountain of empty snack packages laying around the room which Dib intermittently went to pick up. Zim's appetite had increased greatly, and he scarfed down anything that was offered without so much as batting an eye. It seemed humans weren't the only ones who could get pregnancy cravings- not that... that's what this was, he reminded himself. 

Okay, so he'd been acting uncharacteristically helpful. Seeing Zim waste away on the floor just made him feel too bad to try and insult him, and honestly he was beginning to think the irken had been producing some sort of pheromone that made anyone around him calmer, more... well, protective. It made sense; this was the only time in an irken's life that they'd be completely at the mercy of whatever dangers lurked around them, and since they couldn't rely on physical strength or even wits, behavior-altering scent was the next best option. Biological warfare at its finest.

That's what Dib told himself as he sat down beside the alien and pressed a wet cloth to his brow, adjusting the pillows to be more comfortable. 

"You feel warmer," he muttered, wondering if he should've brought a thermometer. "Is that normal in this stage?"

"I don't _know_ and I don't **_care_** ," Zim groaned, "If the disgusting Dib wants to dissect the mighty Zim, now would be the best time." The other chuckled, dipping the cloth back into the cold water and bringing it back just to watch the irken shiver. He looked a lot smaller now that he was wearing one of Dib's shirts, since his own were becoming too small to allow for the extra space. Zim had hardly grown an inch taller since they'd met, and by now he just came up to right around Dib's heart. The shirt was so big on him that it almost went midway down his bare thighs; it took some effort not to stare.

"As if _I'd_ know what to do with all the eggs." He briefly wondered if they had culinary value like chicken eggs and laughed a little louder. Zim scowled at the noise, swatting the boy's hand away before rolling on his side. "Besides, what's the fun in that? I have my entire life to catch you. I'm not going to take advantage of your vulnerability, believe it or not."

He started to get up to do some cleaning, but Zim caught his ankle and glared up at him. "Where are you going?"

"Nowhere, just to pick things up." The irken only frowned harder, increasing his grip with what little strength he had- which was about as much as a kitten right now. "Only for a second!"

" ** _You're not allowed to leave_** ," he hissed, "Sit back down before you meet your **_end,_** vomitous creature."

Well, it seemed as though whatever hormones were running through his system right now not only made him much more demanding but also _clingy_ , Dib thought with a strange rush of affection, which was only heightened when he felt Zim discreetly tug at the edge of his sleeve to urge him closer. 

He sighed and sank down on the makeshift bed behind the irken, the week of ruined sleep finally starting to catch up with him. There was only so much coffee could do, and he didn't have any at his disposal here, so it'd be best to try and get a few hours- despite the far-away screech of GIR's incessant singing in the tunnels down below them. 

He'd been avoiding this line of thought, but they were currently closer than they'd ever been before- minus the times they were trying to kill each other, that is. There were no choke holds this time, no electric guns pointed at his face. It was... nice. The entire house still felt like a death trap from all the times he'd risked his skin just to get inside, but it was dark, quiet, and didn't smell of chemicals like back home. He could see why Zim liked to spend so much of his time here, when he wasn't creating chaos for others that is. 

Strangely enough, the irken's routine had slowed down to a near-halt since he'd gone off to university. He'd strongly considered getting a degree online or even forgoing higher education for the time being. He'd learned more than enough from what books were available at home and the libraries nearby, as well as countless resources online, so it'd make the most sense to avoid running off to a different state to attend lectures that couldn't teach him more than he already knew. In some way the decision had been an... experiment. To see what Zim would do when he finally had no barriers to his evil plans.

It could've been coincidence, but his behavioral patterns had shifted away from long rants about world domination to half-hearted venting sessions with a very oblivious GIR. He didn't go out much anymore, and every time it seemed like he might strike at the unsuspecting world, he instead went to collect a few groceries before retiring back home for a long session of staring into static. Maybe, just maybe, with nobody to outdo, no "Almighty Tallest" to impress, all that desire to conquer just slipped away. 

Beneath that all Dib hoped more than anything that Zim was starting to realize that he _needed_ him, and that no other lifeform on any planet could be half as good of an enemy. 

* * *

A rustling awoke the boy, as well as the feeling of heat against his chest. Zim had apparently wriggled closer in the night and pressed his back up against him, and now he was making eerie sounds at the back of his throat. 

Dib rubbed his eyes and checked his watch, realizing it was only four in the morning... he really couldn't catch a break. It wasn't nearly time, he'd thought, but here the irken was clutching at his belly, groaning into the cold air. He sat up and wrapped a blanket around the alien's shivering shoulders, squinting to see in the dim light.

"Already?" he yawned, trying to keep his excitement from showing. To be fair, he was the first (and hopefully last) human to witness an irken birth, whether or not it was a _real_ one. He was fully prepared to be grossed out and possibly get covered in some sort of disgusting and even harmful fluid, as seemed to be the way with Zim and his weird biology. He grabbed his notebook from the ground next to them and readied himself to scribble down all the details for future... studying.

Zim just growled at him, eyes squeezed into the shape of something he assumed was slight pain, but it couldn't be terrible. He knew what genuine agony looked like on him by now, and this was far from it. 

There was some sick side of him that felt _proud_ for whatever reason, even though he'd had nothing to do with the creation of these eggs and well, they were nothing more than unfertilized shells that were going to be disposed of as soon as they came out. He blamed it on the pheromones, which had to be the case, because the air between them now had become thicker, sweet on the tongue. 

His mind was so filled with the comforting haze that it took him a second to come up with a plan of action. He didn't have much to go on since the circumstances in their case were so different from that of a human or animal. He'd hoped it'd be quick and easy, like how a chicken might lay a few eggs in the morning and be back to pecking at the soil soon after. Zim was breathing _hard_ though, a moan escaping his mouth whenever he forgot to close it, and an irken was a far cry from a bird.

A knowledge of basic entomology might come in handy right about now, if Zim's internal anatomy was in any way similar to that of certain insects, which he sometimes resembled due to his large eyes and antennae. Of course it was the one branch of science he hadn't thought to look into, books full of useful information collecting dust on his shelf right now. 

"Okay... just tell me what to do," he whispered, gathering up the courage to roll Zim onto his back so he could get a better view. The irken hissed at the touch but had no power left in his body to resist, limp and twitching. "Would more cold water help? Or maybe another blanket..."

"Jusssst shut **_UP,_** _BIG_ - _HEADED_ , _STUPID, DEPLORABLE-"_ he kept flinging whatever insults he could come up with at the boy, who just watched in genuine fascination. "All this TALK, it's driving m- _MMmmmm_..." he finished on a long moan, grabbing at Dib's arm.

"I'm getting mixed signals here, Zim," he said softly, "Do you want me to leave after all?"

"What? Did I **_SAY_ **you're allowed to leave?!" He clutched the boy's hand with what would've been a vice grip if he wasn't frail and shaking so hard the floor was rattling. 

"Then should I be quiet?" The irken scowled up at him, crossing his arms. "You need to tell me what you want. Or else..." Dib had his suspicions that Zim was capable of blushing and it seemed the theory was correct, because all of a sudden his cheeks turned a few darker shades of green, and he started fidgeting, glancing from side to side.

"Or else WHAT?! You can't hide anything from the Mighty **ZiiIIIIIiiiMMm**." 

The boy adjusted his glasses to hide an amused smile that flashed across his face. "Well, because I'll do what _I_ want."

"...And that is? You want to use cruel methods of torture on me no doubt."

"No, I have other plans. See, I have so much to learn about your kind, about _you_. I can't find out everything just by watching your daily routine." 

"Ah, so you _are_ going to dissect me! Where are your tools then, hm? Did you forget them at home, idiotic Dib?"

"Living specimens are much more useful, don't you think?" he snickered, taking off his coat and setting it to the side. It was a lot chillier without the covering, no heater in the entire building to ward off the freezing night air. "And interesting."

"What kind of- you're _MOCKING_ me, aren't you?!! Trying to humiliate and belittle me because you know you're so beneath me, jealous of my superiority."

"You don't have to be embarrassed, you know. Not in front of me." 

"WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT **EMBARASSMENT??!!!"** he shrieked, attempting to grab another pillow to throw at him but giving up when he realized it would require too much effort. Dib was honestly surprised how loud the alien could get when he was barely able to move. He patted at his ears, hoping he wouldn't go deaf before this was all over. "Besides, Irkens don't feel primitive things like that. Why would we? What should an advanced race be ashamed for? _You_ should be ashamed of being born on a filthy planet like this, surviving off a diet of atrocious foods like meat and vegetables."

"Then there's no reason to be hiding yourself like that." Zim slowly looked down at himself, clutching a blanket over his legs for dear life. He scoffed and threw it to the side, though he was still keeping his thighs so firmly close together that it couldn't be pleasant. "You should really be getting yourself into a comfortable position. I doubt you have much time left."

"Right, right... and you're... not going to watch, right?"

"Why not? I thought irkens didn't get embarrassed." 

" **I'm** **NO** \- Of course I'm not! Just... it'll be so _boring_ , and you could spend your time watching whatever mindless sewage is playing on the television for mindless hyumans like yourself."

His antennae stood straight up for a moment, and he glanced down at himself in what looked like alarm. He wrenched his shirt down to cover himself a bit more, whistling casually. "Yes so- do something with your eyes for a while." 

"I'd prefer to watch you."

" ** _HHhrrg_** \- just WHAT is _**WRONG** _with you?!!" He grabbed at the pillow again, but this time Dib picked it up instead and sat it down behind the yelling irken, giving it a fluff. 

"You should lie back down. Getting all heated can't be good for your body right now."

"Stop treating me like an invalid! I liked you better when you were trapped inside that information regurgitation prison."

"...College?"

"Yes!" He grumbled even as the boy used just an index finger to push him backwards and onto the cushion. "I bet it was just dull as the rest of your miserable existence."

"I'll admit, this semester _was_ dull," he said honestly, contemplating all those hours spent sitting in long lectures when he could've used that time to study Zim. Passing tests was a breeze, but keeping himself from checking the built-in monitors on his watch wasn't. Who else was going to keep humanity safe? 

His attention was drawn back to the irken, who was still trying to push the hem of his shirt down past his ankles. "It's going to be a lot harder to observe the process if you're covering yourself like that." Zim opened his mouth to respond but then a shudder visibly ran all the way down his body _. The first contraction,_ Dib thought with a mischievous grin. 

Instead of waiting for more of those frantic insults, he shifted over to sit in front of Zim, leaning close enough to watch his expressions swiftly changing. " _Sure_ you're not embarrassed?" 

"Why do you keep asking?!! Have I not made myself clear?" He didn't sound convincing at all, face contorting as another shiver rocked through him. 

"Alright, then pull this up. You're going to need space to spread your legs out." Zim glared daggers at him, hesitating. 

"...Promise not to laugh? Not that I would be affected by your _stupid_ _mockery_ , but I'd have to kill you, and I don't feel like doing that right now."

"Promise."

The alien still scowled at him, but slowly began to ease his hands off the fabric. He kept his eyes shut as he lifted the hem, another contraction making him squeak uncharacteristically high. Dib watched with unwavering fascination, seeing first the outline of his plumped middle, and then to a small puddle on the blanket beneath him that was growing as he squirmed around. As suspected, the liquid was mostly clear with a slightly pinkish hue. It was still hard to see since Zim kept closing his thighs, but he seemed to have something that resembled human vulva. 

"Just look at this... you look like you're about ready to burst." 

"I'll make _**you**_ burst."

"I know you've been holding back. Come on now, let's get these out, okay?" Dib had forgotten his notebook on the floor but writing was the last thing on his mind right now, too absorbed in the sight before him. He'd definitely spent time imagining what Zim might be hiding beneath his clothes, but somehow he was still surprised. A cushy layer of that rose-tinted slick coated the irken's inner thighs, more accumulating below him as he finally started to take Dib's advice and spread his legs out. 

Zim had quieted down somewhat; at least he wasn't yelling anymore. He let his head fall backwards, staring down angrily while the other helped adjust the blankets so they'd ease the strain on his back against the weight. 

"You're going to too much trouble for a couple of useless Smeet shells," the alien grumbled, swallowing down a moan. "Back when Irkens reproduced in such a way, they'd never have such luxury. It was customary to only be allowed a day off regular routine, or just until they were functional again. Birth has only ever been an obstacle, since it hinders how well a soldier can do their duties."

"That's awful," he muttered, bringing his gaze back up to rest on Zim's face. He looked... softer, in some way. "I was told once that when my mom was in the hospital with me in tow, she couldn't get out of bed all week. Dad said she was incredibly strong, too."

"Hmfh, must've been your big head." Dib gave him a blank look, fighting back a smile despite himself. "...I was trying to lighten the mood. Not that you deser-" He clutched at the blankets on his sides, a hiss ripping through him.

"Does it hurt?"

"No, just- will you ** _SHUT UP?"_** Dib didn't shut up. It only encouraged him to ask more questions.

"It doesn't? Then what _does_ it feel like?" he figured it was only logical to ask, since Zim was making some very _odd_ noises. He'd start on an angry hiss, then it'd bubble up into a squeak, and finally die down as a rather cute purr clicking in the back of his throat. Dib had never heard anything quite like it. Because of that, paired with the sweet pheromones permeating in the air between them, he couldn't help but inch closer on hands and knees.

"It feels- it- this was a _stupid_ idea!" He dragged the hem of his shirt back down over himself, doing an excessively poor job of hiding the mess that was growing. "HYUMAN, you will forget you ever saw the Mighty Zim like this, and go back to your disgusting life without any knowledge of tonight." Dib wasn't sure if he was working on memory erasure as a skill, but it earned a breathy chuckle.

"You know you're much too close for that." He let his hands slip up Zim's flanks, raising the shirt back up while getting a good feel of how tender his skin was there compared to the rest of his body. It was hot, covered in a sheen of sweat, and he noticed a few thin stretch marks here and there which glowed a soft green hue. "Zim, if they're just _boring old shells,_ why are you making such a fuss about it? It's easy for you, isn't it? Just to push them out already, get this over with... or is there more to this than you're telling me?"

Zim's eyes, which were already the size of saucers, widened impossibly further till he was staring right into fuchsia-colored death orbs. He braced himself to be verbally assaulted, perhaps thrown across the room, and decapitated if the irken's PAK wasn't being affected as well. Thankfully, another contraction caused the alien to throw his head backward and let out a long, throaty groan. 

Dib heard something _squish_ on the ground between them, and looked down to see that Zim had actually managed the first egg. It was perfectly circular, a bit smaller than a pong ball, and gleaming with that same bioluminescence as before. He looked at it with a whistle of admiration, bending down to pick it up and feel it in his hand (which in hindsight was a horrible idea, but well, his hands hadn't dissolved from any alien acid yet so he assumed he was in the clear) It was so warm, coated in pearly fluid, and he flushed a little in the knowledge that it'd just been _inside_ the irken a moment prior. 

"Woah... just look at how perfect this one is. You made it all by yourself?" he cooed, gently pushing the alien's thighs further open and to the sides. Zim was still glaring, but not at anyone or anything in particular; just glaring, expression stuck in a hazy sort of animosity that bordered on the brink of something sweeter. "Are you happy I showed up when I did? I doubt this would've been very pleasant if you were stuck in here all alone."

"Your timing could've been worse," was all he said, voice soft and small. Dib was surprised; that was the closest thing he'd gotten to a _compliment_ all night. As little as it was, it made his heart hammer faster. "In this state, I wouldn't have been very efficient at holding off potential threats."

"So you're saying you feel safer with me here?"

"I'm _saying_ that you **_at least_** helped me realize the fault in my security system. If even **_you_ **were able to bypass it then I definitely need to upgrade it."

"Sure, sure." He let his eyes roam back down, getting a better look at the alien's groin area. The green shade of his skin darkened here, leading down to a vulva-esque structure that was relatively smooth and was interestingly shaped somewhat like a rhombus, stretched and open to accommodate the passage of eggs. There was an intriguing pattern above it; a sudden pop of pink in all the malachite, like the markings on an iris petal, and there was a slight glow to them as well. Dib wondered if it functioned the same as a clitoris. 

He pointed to it, the biology-loving part of his brain taking over, "Does this also have a use in the process?"

"Huh?" He squinted down at himself, tilting his head. "Oh, I don't... think? I believe we evolved that way to make the insertion procedure easier. It could sometimes be hard to see, especially if the breeding partners were on a planet with little to no light sources. No use for it now." Dib never thought he'd be having a casual conversation about classic methods of irken reproduction, but oh well.

" _Insertion?"_ he said with a playful eyebrow wiggle; it brought him back to sex ed in highschool, and watching Zim gawk like intercourse was the most primordial thing he'd ever heard of. To be fair, the teachers did imply that sex would kill you, so he left that day with an even worse impression on the human race, comparing them to the likes of bees.

"Well of course. Insemination was essential to the process, and whoever was to be the breeder was based on hierarchy. They wouldn't have to undergo the disgrace of carrying eggs and being less useful during that time. A painfully inefficient way, you see, a mockery of our advanced methods today. That's why we have treatment in our ranks to prevent such a humiliation as this."

"That's... that's terrible," he slipped out, clearing his throat to keep a sudden wave of emotions from showing. "There's no reason to feel like that now, is there? The way I see it, you're on Earth for the long run. We humans ⭐ don't tend to have nearly such a negative view of it. In fact, many actually _enjoy_ it." 

"How could anyone possibly **enjoy** birthing a couple of Smeet?!"

"No, you see, you don't have to- hm." He thought for a moment, glancing back to Zim's body. "Maybe I could show you? As a sort of experiment."

"Will it involve dissection?"

"No, promise," he chuckled, shifting down so he was sitting close in front of the irken's open legs. He took a second to enjoy the sight of slick continuously dribbling down onto the blanket, the way those markings flickered in a few different shades as Zim twitched and tensed. "First of all, don't hold anything back. Any sounds you make, any expressions... you can just let them all out, okay?"

"Are you _trying_ to degrade my image?" His antennae perked up in irritation. 

"Maybe just a little bit," he teased, licking his lips. "But it's alright, as long as I'm the _only_ one who gets to see you like this." He pushed the irken's knees farther up, leaving nothing hidden from view. "You invaded _my_ planet, therefore I think I should be allowed to claim all your most vulnerable moments for my eyes alone."

" ** _Ughhhg_**... whatever happened to that weak little kid who couldn't ever hope to catch me?!!"

"Well, you stole all his attention as he grew, filling his head with dreams of having you in his grasp. There are consequences for everything, you know." He bent down a bit further and slid his thumbs onto Zim's inner thighs, testing the waters. "I thought I told you not to hold back, Zim."

"I'm **NOT!"**

"Really? Then why are you tensing up so much?" He used the pads of his fingers to pet circles over the tender skin, encouraging small trails of shivers to erupt throughout the irken's body. "If that's the case, it's alright. I don't have anywhere else to be. This can take as long as you need." Zim clamped a hand over his mouth to keep an odd noise in, scowling at him in disbelief. "Still, imagine how good it's going to feel once they're out. I'll wrap you up all warm in blankets and bring you whatever you want to eat."

"HOW DARE Y-... Including Fun Dip?"

" _Especially_ Fun Dip." Zim nodded and closed his eyes, letting a contraction flow through him instead of fighting against it. "Another one's coming. I can see it; you're so close. Just a bit more." Curious, he let one hand drift to the markings above the irken's slit, gliding a single pinkie over them. 

The irken immediately gasped and threw his head back, and the next thing he knew another three eggs had joined the first. Dib blinked in surprise, peering back at his flushed face.

" ** _WHAT DID YOU JUST DO??!!"_**

"Oh, sorry. Did it hurt?"

"IT-" He searched for words, hissing wrathfully the whole time. 

"...Maybe the opposite?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow. "...Do you want me to stop?"

"...No."

"What's that? You're going to have to spea-"

" **DID YOU NOT HEAR ME DIB-THING?!** Now do whatever you just did again before I cut off your hand. I command it." Dib laughed a little at that, even when it felt like his heart was going to pop in his chest. It didn't help at all that his own body had been responding the entire evening with great interest, and he wished more than anything that he hadn't worn such tight pants for the sake of looking cool.

He trailed his hand back down, this time slowing his movements to get a good feel of the texture; the markings ridged out against his fingers, warm and a bit bumpy. It was strangely satisfying against his skin. The rigidity in Zim's muscles had just started to ease, but as soon as Dib touched the area, his whole body went tense again.

"Relax," he whispered, pausing to give the irken time to adjust. "You're telling me you've never tried touching yourself here before? That's surprising for such an _advanced race_ such as yourself." He wasn't sure if now was the time to tease, but at least it relieved some of the tension, a growl vibrating through the alien's chest.

"You should watch your tongue, pig-headed Dib. I'll have you know I have much better things to do than to sit around being idle and exploring regions of my anatomy that serve no purpose."

"I think it does serve one. Quite well in fact." He accentuated the sentence by giving the ridges a gentle rub, watching smugly as two eggs plopped out in quick succession, Zim's growl turning to a breathy whimper. "It's alright, though. You've got all the time in the world to try, and no _Almighty Tallest_ is going punish you for it."

He kept on like this, rubbing in circles and beaming with pride every time another egg joined the rest. It was a bit like milking a cow, only the cow in question was an alien who was hurling insults at you, and- now that he thought about it, it was actually nothing like that. He was just too turned on to come up with a better analogy. 

Pinkish ooze was everywhere now, coating his hand and the blanket alike. It was a good thing he'd grown so accustomed to Zim's weird biology throughout the years, otherwise he would've run at the sight. It felt _right_ somehow; the thick consistency that had him pondering how it was produced, if the same fluid was used during these alleged _breeding_ encounters.

He also began to imagine what it might be like to "breed" Zim (he assumed Irkens were purebred, but that didn't stop his mind from wandering.) He wondered what it'd feel like to bury himself deep inside and feel the irken gush around him with that same fluid as he came, again and again, and see what he'd look and sound like after it was all over. 

He shook his head to get rid of all those cloudy images, not to much avail. The alien was still staring up at him, though his expression had softened to a much sweeter look of desperation, and it was doing _nothing_ to stop this string of thought. His cock strained hard against his pants now, aching and forgotten, but instead of giving it the barest of attention he slid two fingers down to press against the irken's slit.

The touch seemed to trigger a contraction, and soon an egg slipped right between his fingers, leaving a warm cast of slick behind. It felt natural to then let them wander a little further, traveling a few inches inside and testing out touches on nearly-burning inner walls.

Zim cried out, his whole body spasming. He tried to say something, but his throat had apparently constricted too much and all that came out was something between a hiss and a mewl. 

"Only a few more left, Zim. You need to have a break?" The irken shook his head furiously, gaining enough strength to shove his body closer into Dib's touch. The movement buried his fingers far enough in to feel an egg still finding its way out, and there was something about that sensation that made his vision blur, thoughts going hazy.

He quickly used his other hand to stroke along the ridges while thrusting his hand, hips bucking forward against nothing. "Almost there," he panted, "You'll feel so good in just a second. Come on, just follow my lead." He positioned his hand so that eggs would slide right past his palm (plus he couldn't resist making Zim work a little harder to push them out), and timed his movements so that they'd line up with the increasingly strong contractions.

It didn't take long, a final violent convulsion shaking through the irken's body. A rush of fluid forced out his hand, but just in time to watch the rest of the eggs gush out within seconds of each other and- _oh_ , Zim's expression was like nothing he'd ever seen before. 

His arm dripped with slime, coated nearly all the way up to his elbow. 

Disgusting. Fucking repulsive. He _loved_ it.

* * *

Dib looked down at the mess of an alien, eyes crescents of post-orgasm bliss. He grabbed his coat from the ground and carefully wrapped it around Zim's shuddering form, preparing to pick him up and take him over to the couch... but not before snapping a picture with his phone.

Zim didn't seem to process the sound for a moment, but when he did, yelled at the top of his lungs, " _ **DELETE IT!!!"**_ , before springing forward and promptly flopping back down on his side. His body seemed more weightless than ever, a limp bundle of rage and residual pleasure.

"Too late, I've already saved it to the Cloud."

"THEN DELETE THE **CLOUD!!"**

"Don't worry, I'm not going to let anybody else see. An expression like that is for my eyes only." He continued to carry the irken to the sofa, sitting down and resting Zim's head in his lap so he could gaze down at his scowling face while he used a towel to clean him up. "I have to ask, though. What _are_ you going to do with the eggs?"

"I don't know... cook them for breakfast?"

"What? After all that _work?"_ he laughed, somewhat horrified but mostly just amused by the thought. "Can't you save them for a while? Preserve them in some kind of chemical? Put them on display?"

"There's no reason for that. They're just shells, and as you've witnessed, they're way more trouble than they're worth."

"But they're so pretty... Can I keep them?"

"No."

"Please?"

" _ **No**_."

**Author's Note:**

> God I love that word so much [⭐]
> 
> Eyyy shoutout to all my humans in the audience 😂 [ ⭐ ]


End file.
